A Prayer for the Bengals

Please Dear God –

Let the Bengals win today. For eight years, the headlines in the media have vacillated between – almost and not quite – brilliance and stupidity. Chad Ochocinco now has as many TV shows as he has receptions. And dear Marvin, that poor baby, looks like he hasn’t slept in years. Could you please send him some cucumbers for those bags under his eyes? I hear they work wonders.

Lord, you know my troubles as Cleveland fan. We stay the course, we curse our coach and we show in weather that tends to run on the negative side of the Fahrenheit and wind chill scale. Being a fan of Cleveland has always required a heavy dose of stamina, a bit of faith and Uncle Tony smoking his cigarettes cussing out Art Modell.

But week after week, as I have made Cincinnati my home, the taunts about the Cleveland Browns continue, even as the home team of the Bengals descends into madness, or at least the fans do. I turn the other cheek, as the gospels have counseled me to do.

Please take pity upon the citizens of Hamilton County who have been forced to pay for a stadium in exchange for an NFL team “to be named later”. Since I have helped pay the king’s ransom as well, Lord, help me increase my spending so that Mike Brown has more money to do less with.

Lord, only you know the challenges of living in a city where life stops, along with the traffic on the interstate whenever the Bengals play, because the fans are busy holding their breath, the sports columnists have run out of ways to phrase “another loss” and the Bengal’s receiver is all thumbs because he Tweets too much.

Please God, bring the Bengals a victory, so the rest of us can get on with our life.

Sincerely,

Annette “Little Dawg”

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